My life has been about change. From birth until now, I have been in a whirl of changes. As a child change was forced upon me, as a teenager I embraced it by challenging everything and everyone around me. In my early adulthood I had no directions and no models to follow, therefore my scatterbrain was on hyper alert and with that I made a lot of strange choices that constructed my forever changing life. I won't call my choices bad because some good came of it, they became learning experiences.
One year, I moved seven times, my discouraged girlfriend said "I will need a new address book just to keep up with you." An other year, I changed job about 6 times, talk about lacking stability. I had no goals and no idea who I was or what I wanted to do or be. No sense of self, thanks to those early formative years when no one thought it was important to provide a stable environment for a child. My parents did not have that parenthood bone in them, they were self centered and too emotionally screwed up to raise their kids. So my brothers and I were raised in three different environments. Our parents eventually grew up themselves and made amends, but by then I was in my thirties with kids of my own and struggling to find an identity for myself and my family.
For years I worked in the restaurant industry as a waitress to the dismay of my grandmother who used to freak out every time someone would ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up, I would say candidly "a waitress" and my grandmother would slap me behind the head, she had better plans for me. But, how could she fight with the only happy memories I had of my mother, since the only time I got to see her in my early childhood was when my grandma took me to the restaurant where my mother worked as a waitress until she moved across the country three thousand miles away.
Anyhow, eventually I tired of the restaurant industry and enrolled in an "Office automation course" meaning a secretarial course, this turned out to be a rough ride, but I made it through the intensive 18 months of classes, to finally graduate and find an entry level job that lead me to grow within the company I worked for. Through the fifteen years I worked there I was a receptionist, an administrative assistant, a coordinator, a buyer, a production manager to finally end as a sales representative. This company and its people became my second family.
So, when I reached my forties I still thought everything was possible, I wonder, is forty the midlife part or is it fifty? Either way, now I am faced with more changes, recently unemployed (yes I was let go due the bad economy) I am wondering what my next move should be.
If you believe in numerology, then I am entering a personal year 3, social expansion and creative success. Does this mean that I should get back to painting? I have been thinking about it but not doing it, or should I write, it seems that is what I have been more comfortable doing these days. I started a new blog:
www.worriedaboutourworld.blogspot.comabout the environment and what I can do personally to help. Also, I am currently volunteering at the community thrift store and applying to volunteer at the library as well.
We have to be careful what we wish for because it might very well happen. Although I did not have the courage to quit my job, I did wish for it and, not long after, my job quit me. Consequently opportunities will be knocking at my door and I have to be ready for them.
So now I am wondering, can I both Write and Paint, will I be able to earn a living at it? Whatever I decide, it will require more discipline on my part. These past few months I have been compelled to change, change my eating habits, my life style and integrate more discipline.
Therefore more changes are coming my way.
Funny thing, even though I am familiar with change it is still a bit unsettling. There is always that scary part where you'll have to make a decision that you know will affect the rest of your life, but either way whatever decision one makes you have to be certain that it will be the right one at that time, and from it will sprout a new learning experience that will shape who you are and will become.
So this was my two cents on CHANGE
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” Pericles
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