Impostor Syndrome and other stuff...

These past few months have been weird, maybe you have noticed that I haven't written anything since August, not that there wasn't anything to write about lots have happen, just that my brain was flat lining, stuck in space. Some would say I was depressed, (I stopped working for three months for physical and psychological reasons) I would like to think I was resting. Anyhow, I didn't paint, write or laugh much, I even opted out of my painting classes; what I did do is figure out my space in this world.

Am I enlightened? Not really, but I do understand a few more things about this life of mine.

Have you ever heard of the impostor syndrome? Well, neither had I until recently. No coincidence that I would be noticing others talking about it since I was feeling it. First my psychologist mentions it, than I hear about it on tv,read about it on line and in magazine articles.

One thing I have learned over the course of my life is that whatever you are feeling others have felt it too and, someone somewhere is either talking or writing about it.

My latest experience and discovery is the Impostor Syndrome. Basically it all comes down to how you see yourself versus how others see you.

Here is a little quiz to find out if you have the syndrome (Quiz designed by Dr. Valerie Young on this Website:http://www.impostorsyndrome.com/ ) :

Yes or No

Do you secretly worry that others will find out that you're not as bright and capable as they think you are?
Do you sometimes shy away from challenges because of nagging self-doubt?
Do you tend to chalk your accomplishments up to being a "fluke," “no big deal” or the fact that people just "like" you?
Do you hate making a mistake, being less than fully prepared or not doing things perfectly?
Do you tend to feel crushed by even constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your "ineptness?"
When you do succeed, do you think, "Phew, I fooled 'em this time but I may not be so lucky next time."
Do you believe that other people (students, colleagues, competitors) are smarter and more capable than you are?
Do you live in fear of being found out, discovered, unmasked?

It seems that if you answered "yes" to one or more questions, than you belong to the club!

I haven't gone into great depth on the subject, but I would venture out that low self-esteem and lack of confidence would be to blame. Actually, it seems that it goes deeper than that it is worth investigating.

I particularly liked a segment I read in Dr. Valerie Young's blog called:

Embrace Your Brilliance

By Dr. Valerie Young

In my last post I described the “typical” impostor. In fact, I probably know these parts of you better than even you do. But there’s something else I know – and I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you the other side of the impostor story!

While a lot of what I wrote in my last post may ring depressingly true, there’s another story here too. And that is that deep down you really do know you’re smart. And although you may sometimes hold back, somewhere inside you, you know that you can do just about anything you really set your mind to.

The problem is you don’t always feel that way. Sure you have your “on” moments. But you can also remember plenty of times when you couldn’t think to save your life, times where everyone around you seemed far more confident, talented, articulate, experienced, or knowledgeable than you.

But like I said, there’s another story here. The very fact that you’re reading this tells me that behind all the self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence, that there is a woman who knows she is bright, resourceful, creative, and infinitely able – and she desperately wants to be seen. I don’t mean seen in the sense of having your brilliance recognized by the world (although as terrifying as that may sound, it would also be kind of cool), or even acknowledged by your own family (now there’s a thought). No. The person you most want to finally and fully embrace your brilliance is you.

Am I right?

Most of the time I know that I am bright, resourceful, creative and infinitely able but I don't always feel it, that is the tricky part. I recently lost my job, it was a good business decision on their part (I knew it was coming, it was a logical decision);they abolished my position and me with it, sure they offered me the renamed position with its lower salary but I declined. I actually felt relieved that this chapter of my working life ended.

Yes I have doubts, but I also have hope. I look at this challenging time as a new beginning, a time of change. I really did not like feeling like an impostor even if was just my thing, I actually fed it and the anxiety grew day after day.

Funny thing, there was a time when work was my best friend, I actually looked forward to getting there in the morning, I enjoyed the people and the challenges I faced day after day. It felt like a second family until the cold war started within the two companies and, being neutral was an awkward position to be in. Then there was the separation of the partners and the two companies. I held many positions within both companies and, I am very grateful for the opportunities I was given that allowed me to grow and learn.

However, life happens, and in the process I changed and, so did my life.

I came to realize I was mourning what was to come, I needed these past few months to accept the wind of change, so let say I was in a dormant state. Working through my feelings and/or lack of.

Do you believe in Zoo Therapy? I have become a believer. During those past months there was three constants in my life my husband Michel (let me clarify, he wasn't part of the zoo therapy) and, Charlie and Fanny our two dogs. Whether I wanted it or not, I had to get out of bed to take care of Charlie and Fanny since Michel was gone by 5am and only came back 13 hours later. I believe that even though I spent most of my time resenting their presence they actually helped me. It is a lot easier to give up on yourself when you have no responsibilities, but I could not default on Charlie and Fanny, and of course Michel. Maybe my sense of responsibilities is a strength after all.

All I really wanted during that time was to be alone, thank God I wasn't! I can't tell you for sure how it would have played out if I had been, but I suspect that I would have sunk into a heavy depression. Oh! Before I forget, the psychologist was a real help, she was able to translate my stories into feelings that I could understand. She has been a real light.

To resume all of it: I felt stressed, anxious and I guess depressed, I felt like an impostor, I had physical pains which turned out to be real, gall bladder stones and inflammation of sorts. I was out from work for three months, left school, saw a psychologist, went through 2 scans, ultrasound and numerous blood tests, got diagnosed, got better and, finally went back to work only to lose my job.

Conclusion: Change is inevitable it is like the seasons it always comes back. Survivors adapt, surrender and make the best of it. And I am blogging again. Life is good!

Consumerism

Now days, stores are offering wider selections
To meet the demands they must expand
What they need is more shelf space
And, there we are baffled by the array of choices before us,
What would be the best buy, is one brand better than?
Is it a must, something we need or just gratification?

We've killed family enterprises
Lost our sense of community
Big stores are taking over
Offering slashed prices
At the expanse of the local stores

Tell me:
How many brands do we need?
How many varieties?
How many sizes?
Over consumerism...indeed,
What a pity!
And how can we revise?

No one should have monopole
Competition is good for the consumer
Keeps prices controlled
At least that is what we're told

Over production
Push down our throat by marketing seduction
Economical degradation
Pushing for more consumption

How can we stop this tendency
Before it kills us all
Before we all disappear.
How do we find balance
How do we reach all of us
By fear? By Breaking News?

Fear propels action
Deliberate with passion
When will our survival instinct kick-in?
Hopefully, before we become extinct.
Why so many don't care,
Why so few dare?

Dare to care
Take action
Any size action
Rise to the occasion
Do it with intention
Dare to care

Self-Discipline & Creativity

As you can see I am not very self-disciplined when it comes to my blog, actually I am not very disciplined about much when it comes to my own personal projects unless it is for someone else and/or has a due date. I usually operate from my emotional side and I envy everyone who is able to apply self-discipline in their everyday living. Yesterday, this subject came up at the dinner table; Michel is convinced that if you are disciplined than you can achieve greater creativity. I am not saying that he is wrong, but I believe it is not that simple, there are so many factors to consider; ideally he would be right, but how many of us have the perfect balance of creativity and self-discipline?

At this time in my life I am probably at a medium peak of self-discipline, meaning I am probably applying more of it now than any other time thus far. Still, I know it is not nearly enough and that I can implement more of it. Creativity is the easy part it seems to come from nowhere and everywhere. I am told that if I were really passionate about painting I would paint everyday, I am passionate, but this is where it gets tricky; when I paint I forget about everything else and I can go on for hours alone in my bubble, however, when I have to stop I am heartbroken; usually it is because I either have to attend too some mundane activities that either have to be done or should be done, like going to work, eat, sleep, spend time with family and all that other stuff.

My husband says I should do a bit at the time and organise myself better, like I can turn on and off my creative switch without been affected. This process usually frustrates the hell out of me! I am still trying to figure this out, how to turn the switch on and off without the negative feelings attached to the off side, I figured it has to be a matter of perception. What do you think?

This is where I struggle with all of this, I want to be a full time artist but I don’t want to starve while doing it, it might have been ok at twenty, however, now is a different story; especially since I have created a life of obligations, and therefore, I can not get off the merry go round to indulge in creativity at least not full time. I should not be complaining, but I will indulge.

What is my point in all of this? Well, I guess what I am expressing is the need to understand my capacity to balance my creativity with self-discipline along with marrying my rational brain with the emotional side of it. While I am painting I am in the moment, it is like opening the passageway to the creative flow. However, when I stop, my body stops but my brain keeps running until it crash lands into a brick wall. It is bit like getting high and then hitting a down. If I paint at night and force myself to stop to go to bed, I can’t sleep for hours because the flood gates of ideas are open, I probably should get up instead of just lying in bed while being bombarded with colours and ideas, but I force myself to stay in bed hoping that I will eventually fall asleep, otherwise I fear it will turn into a vicious cycle. The transition time is difficult; the off switch seems to suffer a malfunction, something like a delay factored in without control. I know you will tell me that I should meditate. So, if it is that simple why don’t I do it? Could it be my lack of self-discipline or self-control?

How does one acquire self-discipline, is it something you are taught, something you mimic from watching your parents? Or is it something you are born with? Is it a cause and effect? How do you master the art of self-discipline? Does it have to do with will power? Is it about how much you want something? Is it about motivation?

Life is a series of doors that open and closes at random it is about making the right choices for our lives. Somehow, you have to find emotional well being in order to find the balance in life. Knowing oneself is really the key to improvement and empowerment. But even knowing thyself may not be enough especially if you made a mistake in your personal analysis, because what you think you are you will be.Does this make any sense? Now I am confused...

What does all this have to do with creativity and self-discipline? Everything, because if you trap yourself into a corner it doesn’t matter how much creativity you have, you will be frustrated until you find the self-discipline or will power to guide yourself out of the trap. And this is where I am at, working on self-discipline so I can create without frustration and move out of the corner!

Here are some thoughts to ponder on:


Education Of The Will – By Jules Payot

Summary notes, taken many years ago, from an old English version of Jules Payot’s book “Education of The Will.” By L. B. Beattie

• Ideas must be colored with passion in order to influence Will.

• The enemies of Will are distaste of effort – lack of persistence – sensuality, apathy, idleness, and laziness.

• Laziness abores any definite direction. Strong Wills have a definite chief aim. Will power comes from thinking ones own thoughts.

• Deep happiness comes form well regulated activity. The Will loves thoughts covered with feeling – emotions – color – dynamics.

• The art of thinking is to organize and classify.

• We must turn words into living images.

• Action, by itself, with no plan or direction, is as powerless as inaction.

• Lack of time may be traced to indefinite ideas about what is to be accomplished.

• Work well done is renewing – energy creating.

• Walking is conducive to creative work.

• To be able to bare pain is one of the highest forms of Will. Painful exercise develops Will. (self-discipline)

• Lazy people miss the joys of rest after hard work.

• Laziness is perpetual letting go of self.

• The Lazy, hypnotized individual can be seen walking around in a fog of habit.

• We lack not in abundance of methods, we lack in choosing one and sticking with it.

• Pleasure may be a feeling of dominance over self; a superabundance of energy, a feeling of something perfect – when we produce more power than we can consume

I really would like your comments on this one!

Fiber Art, this is an entire different universe, I discovered this type of Art a couple of years ago because some students in my class were majoring in Fiber Art. Their works in either our drawing or painting classes were greatly influenced by it. I have been fascinated by this discipline and I decided to take a class in that department, the art of paper making.

Fiber Art encompasses so many different things, anything and everything to do with Fibers and Textiles, it can be about, weaving, designing fabric patterns,cross stitching, embroidery, quilting, braiding, sculpting with fibers, paper making, sewing, I guess anything goes in this discipline.

The picture on the top right is my first attempt at making something artistic with anything that was fiber based, I used ropes of various sizes, old rags, wool and whatever. It is an acquired taste I know, still I find it playful and it gives me hope for my future endeavors with fibers.

I didn't even know until a couple of years ago that you could actually Major in Fiber Art. I saw some amazing realization at Concordia University that opened a new creative window in my brain, this is why I chose to take paper making this year. I am yet to explore all facets of Fiber Art. I find it intriguing and very exciting.

I recently discovered an artist called Guy Houdoin by walking into a second hand book shop, I was so impressed by his work that I bought the book. He graduated from the Fine Art School in Paris and used to paint until he discovered braiding/interweaving, in my opinion some of his best works are forms of braiding. The best site I managed to find to show you some of his work is a French Site, Houdoin also known as Odon has been in the Art World since 1970. http://pagesperso-orange.fr/co-art/galerie1.htm

I used to think that a quilt was just a pretty hand made blanket and that quilting was for Grandmothers, well lets say that I've changed my mind since then; there is a increasing amount of people getting into it and turning these Quilts into beautiful work of Art. Others are weaving or piecing together fabrics of all kinds and turning them into murals or installations. The following site is about Quilting and it shows many artists and their original works. If you have a chance to see a Quilting Exhibition don't miss it.
http://www.dairybarn.org/quilt/

Also, I am suggesting you check out the following sites that are showing you the various possibilities into the world of Fibers.

I really like Jana Morgan's blog, it is full of information about Fibre Art, she is an accomplished artist herself and has very interesting work:
http://fiberartstudio.blogspot.com/

The following site is a Fibre Artist Association:
http://www.surfacedesign.org/sdahistory.asp

The next site is of the Textile Museum, its role is to expands public knowledge and appreciation – locally, nationally and internationally – of the artistic merits and cultural importance of the world’s textiles.
http://www.textilemuseum.org/exhibitions/current.htm

Last but not least the Fiber Arts Magazine: http://www.fiberarts.com/

Well I hope this has awakened your curiosity about Fiber Art and that you will look at it all with an open mind and really see the Art behind it all!

By the way, I picked up my brushes and pencils and I am at it again...I am revisiting old stuff and giving them a fresh start and starting new projects as well.

Balancing Act

I have been looking for topics to write about and stressing myself out in the process. Funny, since I started this blog for fun and to express myself.

The truth is that I have many interests and sometime art takes a back seat, the past few weeks I have been concentrating on work, this is our busy season so no time to waste. So, by the time I get home and take care of the mundane stuff, it is almost time for bed, no energy for personal projects.

However, when I do get some time to myself, I am torn between different things, painting, writing, reading, gardening, watching movies, cleaning, cooking and spending time with family and friends.



My work week is so full and organized that I hate to have to organize or prioritize my free time, however, this is basically the only way I can get some stuff done because if I don't, I get lost in trying to decide what I feel like doing.

This week is the perfect example, I took the week off and I wanted to do so many things, painting being one of them and this is day 7 and I haven't touched a paint brush yet. I did some shopping, cooking, lots of cleaning, walked the dogs for hours in the woods, sort out some papers (that are now in need of filing), gardened some, read some (Zen and the art of making a living by Laurence G. Boldt) , watch movies and the hockey playoffs ( I am almost happy that Canadian lost, more time for other things!).

I had to go and replace or BBQ gas tank and run by City Hall to deposit a permit request for some changes we want to make to the house. I forgot to tell you it was almost 40 degrees out there even the flowers would of liked to run for shade, I had to postponed gardening until it cooled down a bit. My neighbor had some workers doing his deck and they had to quit, they felt like eggs in a frying pan!

Still...no painting. The only regular activity was my daily walks with the dogs.

I drove down to the city a couple of times I had plan to spend 2 days with my great aunt spending a few hours on each of those days, she is ninety years of age but still very active. She wanted to go shopping for shoes and clean her closet and windows, we never did the cleaning part the weather was too nice. Finally, on Friday I brought her home with me for a BBQ and an overnight stay.

I did manage to take care of other stuff I had planed for the week, after my first day with my great aunt I met up with my daughter and we went for a Mexican dinner and a visit to the Fine Arts Museum to see an exhibit on Miles Davis, I was a bit skeptical about this show but it was very interesting and we both really enjoyed it, next thing we knew the security staff came to tell us the museum was closing, we spent two hours in Miles Davis's world.

I was most impressed by his achievements. Also, I really enjoyed his art work, yes he actually touched the Visual Art World as well. See some of his art work:
http://tisavision.blogspot.com/2008/12/discover-art-of-el-miles-davis.html

To finish the week, my son and daughter drove up to spend the rest of the weekend with us. The nice part is they brought supper and cooked for us, we had the perfect weather and we stayed until sundown out on the deck, actually it was more until a swarm of mosquitoes came charging our way.

Finally we are Sunday my last vacation day, I wonder after this week how I manage to find the time to work! Actually, I am starting to think that my working days are better managed than my off days.

My next blog will be about Fibre Art.

Art Journaling

My first experience with art journal was in my ARTX class which stands for: Integrated Studio in Contemporary Art Practices. Before I go on with my art journaling post, I would like to let you know that this class was the most fun and challenging course I have taken to date.

When we were told that we had to keep an art journal during the semester I got scared, and doubted that I could find enough material to fill up this many blank pages. I had no idea what an art journal was all about, I've kept a personal diary all my life but not very diligently, and I never drew or collaged in them. This art journal was a new adventure.


The beauty of it is that you can use anything you have at hand, be pictures, magazines, newspapers, thread, pencils, paint, really almost everything can be used.

An art journal can be about anything, it could be about projects you want to elaborate on, or notes, or it can even be personal, or about doodling, or anything else you can think of. The beauty of an art journal is there are no limits, it is your own little work of art that you can keep to yourself or share with the world. It is a place where all your fantasies are permitted and there are no boundaries to your imagination. There is no right or wrong way to make an art journal.


For instance, we had to finish the semester with a project that had to do with recycling. I had several ideas and I picked one from my journal, it was to make a Christmas tree out of shredded paper. (I will have to write a blog on that one it was a lot of work). I drew several sketches of different possibilities, one had to do with shoes, an other with meat packaging but the shredded paper won, and it all started from an idea I had put down in my art journal.

Fortunately for me my boss allowed me to use our office for the making of the Christmas tree. I know it is a bit of an odd tree, but we had none so that made due, plus my co-workers started adding stuff to it and it became a conversation topic. It challenged our work environement and how we can be more efficient recyclers. However, needless to say that the christmas tree went straight to the recycling bin after the Holidays were over.

An art journal can also be a way to evacuate some of your stuff, it is a bit like art therapy. The other side of art journaling is that you can always revisit your old journals to jolt your brain and revitalize some old ideas or find something you had forgotten and use in a new project. Also, it is a glimpse at your evolution as a person and an artist.

Journaling can open the gate to creativity and your subconscious mind and unleash some amazing ideas. You can view my first art jounal in the slideshow on the top right of this page.

Well in writing this post, I got myself convinced that I should keep up the practice and see where it leads.

Your comments and suggestions are welcome.

I have done some research on the matter and found some interesting sites and videos on the subject:

hhttp://rawartjournaling.com/
hhttp://www.aisling.net/journaling/journalingarts.htm
http://painting.about.com/od/keepinganartjournal/Keeping_an_Art_Journal_and_Art_Journaling.htmhttp://www.artcampforwomen.com/art-journaling-1/
http://www.self-help-healing-arts-journal.com/healing-art-journaling-flickr.html
http://hubpages.com/hub/Art_Journaling__Getting_Started

You tube has some really neat video on art journaling:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQkfuM_0Quw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic_Lz6_aMW4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi00J44Ogn8&feature=related
Suzi Blu has a whole series of art journaling tips and stories, if you search google or just click on the links below you will get to her stuff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi2gcjP88VM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1U_DB4UFmk
Here is a different kind of art journal, with fabric and stitches
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra29fYmHJ5A

Well I hope that you are getting inspired, now go to it and have fun with your art journal!

Mother Nature, Spring walk and other stuff

Since my Fine Arts classes have finished I haven't done much, I have been busy recharging my batteries.

Anyhow, spring is here and hopefully here to stay, please Mother Nature no more snow! However, I know she must be real pissed off about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, who would blame her. Big mess with a lot of casualties of all sorts. The Ocean is having a hard enough time with pollution and overfishing, how will it survive the poison that is overtaking its water?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/30/louisiana-oil-spill-2010_n_558287.html

I feel like a bacterian fish in the sea, so small against all that is wrong in the world.

Walking in the woods with my dogs is a way to forget about everything else. In my part of the world, my country side world it is spring. Today I decided to take my camera along for the walk and witness spring. Sometime I envy my dogs, they are so in the moment always, so alive and happy with not much else than a run in the woods. Actually, today that is how I feel as well. Time stops, it doesn't matter that the sun is playing hide and seek, there are no bugs and it is warm enough to enjoy the moment.



So for about two hours we did just that, enjoy the moment. Then I came home and made lunch, a simple lunch a Greek salad and all was good.

Afterwards, I read the newspaper to find out that "If you're in debt, forget retirement..." Enlightening article, and a reminder of how little we were thaught about finance while growing up. Lets face it, most of us have just winged it! I remember my grandmother telling me that you are rich if you have no debts, finally after all these years they are quoting her in the paper!

http://www.montrealgazette.com/debt+forget+retirement/2974325/story.html

Credit is insidious, you start with one credit card and than you think it is not so bad, your minimum payment is $20.00 a month, you say to your self "I can handle that!" So you move on to bigger and better things, you get a car that you budget in, than a house, more credit cards and than, you choke! No wonder you can not retire if you are in debt, what a surprise!

My son had home economics in his last year of high school, I am told that the program got cancelled. I guess, they didn't think it was a good idea to have a class that teaches our kids about home finances, I know that home finances was only a small part of the curriculum still even I learned a few things from my son about finances through his class. I did not have home economics when I was in high school and no one in my family ever talked about money, I had to figure it out on my own.

Therefore, I think they should have a mandatory class that teaches about money matters to our kids and not just one year, this topic should be in installment for the duration of high school. Not all children have financially responsible adults for parents, or parents willing to talk about money, so if they can not learn it at home than where? Just look at the financial crisis that is currently hitting the world, if our World Leaders had taken such a class maybe our economy would be in a much better shape. Yeah, I know, their personal finances are probably better than the countries they lead. How sad is that!

Credit is a strange beast, when you don't want it everyone is offering it to you, I must receive at least a couple of pre-approved credit applications a week. Did you know that every time you accept a credit offer or get an other credit card it is instantly added to your credit bureau and your ranking is affected? Everywhere you go there is someone pushing some kind of new credit card, how many credit cards does one need?

These days, I believe that credit is what makes the economy survive, I don't think that without it people would be buying so much, in some ways we live on borrowed economy. This credit mentality basically caused this latest recession, people borrowed more than they could afford to pay and the card castle came crashing down. Was there a lesson learned? Maybe for some, but I believe that there are way too many people that are still in infancy when it comes to money matters and consumerism.


And if we keep on buying needless stuff for the sakes of the economy, we are doomed to be hit by a meteorite storm of infinite proportions. Not nice to mess with Mother Nature!

Info on managing credit card debts and money matters:
http://www.controlcreditcarddebt.com/
http://www.suite101.com/course.cfm/18823/seminar
http://ohioline.osu.edu/mym/index.html
http://www.altn.org/webquests/money/index.html
http://www.postconsumers.com/

Books I recommend:
http://www.yourmentalwealth.com/mind-over-money/
http://www.amazon.ca/Women-Money-Owning-Control-Destiny/dp/0385519311/ref=sr_1_2/177-5959819-2545618?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272766795&sr=8-2
http://www.gregkarp.com/index.shtml

Meanwhile, all I can say is that today I enjoyed a beautiful day in the woods!

Collage and discoveries

In one of my drawing classes we had to do an assigment on Collages, I thought this was going to be easy. However, since I hadn't done collage since grade school I thought it might be a good idea to get some references and ideas, and so I went to the book store and bought "Creative Collage Techinques, A step-by-step guide including 52 demonstrations and the work of over 60 artists." by Nita Leland & Virginia Lee Williams. I do recommand this book to anyone who is interested in doing Collages, it gives you a great overview into the world of Collage Art.

Soon after opening the book, I was amazed at what you could do with this medium, the infinite possibilities. I got real excited about the collage assignment and I started to gather everything I could put my hands on that could be used in a collage. So far so good, then I started to panick and stress out, and now, as I am writing this I am also realizing how my creative process works and how I go through the same phases each time I start a new assignment, fear of not delivering something worthy.


In my mind everything is easy, but materializing it becomes stressful especially when it is an assignment. Million ideas float around my mind and usually this is where they stay, well, I won't go there this is for later post...

Anyhow, assignments are different than free creativity because of the expectations I think others have of me and that scares me. However, when I approach a personnal project I am free of that and I just go at it without giving it too much thought.

So, for the collage project I thought I would use a burlap background, this felt organic and I wanted to pass a message through the collage, an environmental one. Then I got lucky one day while I was at Michel's studio (my hubby and photographer) he was cleaning up shop and throwing out film cut outs, a mere save I recuperated them, I really wanted to integrate these in the collage, recycling...why not?

Also, in the dumpster I found boxes of old magazines, specialty magazines for Illustrators and Printers, these were a wonderful source of collage materials and ideas. I am a bit of squirl, I accumulate things...I am not a horder, but I can't resist anything made of paper, somehow I feel paralyzed when I try to throw any of it out.

My two pieces ended up being about recycling: time, old magazines and film.

Also, in doing this post I found some intersting Websites on Collages that I would like to share with you :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collage
http://www.abstract-art-information-inspiration.com/Techniques.html
Amazing collages by Daniela Akerblom:
http://www.flipimage.ca/collages/
Interesting collages by Dorene Lehavi:
http://www.collagesbydorene.com/
Jonathan Talbot : Painter and Collage Artist
http://www.jonathantalbot.com/
Bob & Julia Kilvert
http://www.herefordshire.gov.uk/h-art/North_211.aspx
Here are a couple of Websites with several collage artists
http://www.collageart.org/links/
http://www.collageartists.org/artists.html


My favorite Picasso and Braque's works are collages. I find they were avant-gardist to use this medium to express themselves, and in doing so they revatalized this art form in their time.

Finally my final project

This is it, last Friday was the last day of school and my last presentation. I was supposed to be in the first group, but because of traffic I was late and ended up in the second group.

As I walked in the class room the first group had finished hanging their work and I was impressed by the quality of the work I saw. This year this class had a lot of talented and promising artists, most of them showed great commitment to their art and it was really refreshing to see.
Then came my turn, I was a bit timid about showing my work, I did not think this was my best work and choosing the Iris theme as a short cut for me eventhought I had never done flowers. I was uncertain on how the critique was going to go, and got better feedback than I expected.
The first minute everyone was quiet, like no one really knew what to say, then someone spoke and expressed her feelings toward the work. Then the rest jumped in and they played around with the presentation by moving the pieces around and although the bigger pieces lacked in composition they still got good comments, and we all decided that the darker iris actually made more sense upside down. They felt that the lighter one was looser and the colours softer, more intuitive compare the cripness of the other, and they were right

The darker iris's were more controled I was feeling my way with the subject, trying to get the shapes believable and the colours to match reality. I believe I was stressing too much and overworked that first piece.

I attacked the second one from a different angle, I wanted to go looser, more abstract, half way through I realize I was repeating the pattern of the firt piece and tightning my brush strokes. I manage to back away again and stop myself to make it crisper.


I enjoyed making the egg tempera more so than the bigger pieces, I felt they were more in tuned with my inner self; they also got better reviews, the concensus was that they were more myterious and borderline abstract with a better composition. They also liked the touch of red in all of them.




Finally, I felt relieved from the week of stress leading to that day. I also felt sadness in this being the last class of the year. I don't know exactly what I will be taking next semester, I signed up for several classes and will decide then which I will keep. I really would like to attend full time and I will figure out a way to make it happen, otherwise I will continue on a part time basis.



From now until next September, I will concentrate my spare time in applying everything I have learned this year and show you my progress with my on going projects.

There are many things I would like to explore, collages being one of the things I want to push further, along with egg tempera as well. I also want to explore the different ways I can actually engage in creating art pieces that will push the viewer to ask questions or get involve in various causes.

I thank everyone that has taken the time to read my blog and I hope you will keep on doing so. Don't forget that your comments are welcome.

Back to the project

I was hoping to work on my project all weekend long, however life had other plans for me. Still, it turned out to be an interesting weekend, it was a good thing it was a long weekend.

As I mentioned previously I decided to make the project about a series of painting about Iris's so I went and bought myself some deep blue Iris at the market, I got them before they bloomed.

The following day they had started to open up, and I was hoping I would be able to sketch and maybe do some watercolour, but or maybe because it was a beautiful sunny day, sketching did not happen. We had visitors instead and that worked ended out to be a good thing for me because I got to talk about how I was stressed about the project and how I had switched subjects half way through it.

My friends really liked the concept of the shoes in a woman's life, but I got so uptight about it thinking that I did not have enough time to do it right, that I froze and beside doing a couple of sketches (that I did not like) I could not get really started.

However, even though I changed the subject matter to flowers thinking it was going to be easy, the same thing happened. I wanted perfection and froze again. Fortunately, my friends managed to share their experiences and parted with a bit of wisdom. Therefore, I decided to just do it, jump into the project and see what happens. I believe that having a relaxing day with friends was better than stressing out all day about the project. I guess I needed to relax and stop thinking about it so I could get back to it with a better attitude.

Then, Easter came and that was a family day, so no time for drawing or painting either, another break. Meantime, I decided not to stress anymore and today, I spent the day in my studio preparing my wooden panels for the tempera and I started the two canvas of field of Iris.

Now, the problem with glazing is that it needs to dry before applying more glazes, so today I worked all day and advanced the underpainting as much as I could. Fortunately, I had started one of the canvas last week, but I had to make some adjustments, it was to tight, to static. See the pictures of both canvas one on top of the other. I decided to approach the project in a more relaxed matter and maybe be a bit looser with my brushes.


Tomorrow, I will start the under paintings of the small wooden panels. I will have to take a day off this week to finish the project for Friday morning and I have to bake a banana bread for our Final Crit morning.

I will do the shoe project on my own without the deadline pressure.

The dogs

Meet my new kids Fanny and Charlie, I know they have nothing to do with painting and drawing, but I need to talk about my dogs because they take a lot of time and space in my life. First came Fanny the terrier (terror), I fell for her after stopping at Pet Shop to look at the animals, we had lost our dog a few months prior and we were still mourning her. So, every time we went to the hardware store I would stop at the Pet Shop while waiting for my husband, and Fanny became a familiar face, patiently waiting her adoption, after a month I wondered why no one had picked her, after two months of watching her I just could not leave her there anymore, I had to take her home.

The Pet Shop must have been a traumatic experience for her because she was terrified of children. I can just imagine having to put up with kids coming to knock on the glass and making all kinds of faces and noises, from the stand point of the animal in the glass case, after two months of that treatment I can understand her dislike of the munchkins.


At the time we were in the process of moving, and my husband had agreed to put her on a lay away until after the move, but when I put down the deposit for her, I could not leave her there like I would a dress as far as I was concerned she had been in that glass box long enough, so I took her that day and she behaved really well in the car, almost like she felt she belonged. Sure, Michel and I had a bit of an argument but it did not take him long to see it my way.

Charlie came a year later through a friend of my daughter who was living with us for a couple of months one night he bought Charlie from a homeless kid, he brought it to our house without consulting us, Charlie was 6 weeks old, he was so cute and looked like a Jack Russel at least he did for a few weeks before it became obvious that he wasn’t, and we still don’t know what he is, we can only guess that he may have some Akita, German Sheppard, Colley and whatever else. Anyhow, we said that he could not keep him so he tried to give it away, but kids have no clues about puppies beside the fact that they are cute and lovable, so every couple of days Charlie would be returned. After the third return, we decided to keep him. We lived in the city at the time and my daughter and my brother were both living with us, so we never really had to think about the dogs, there was always someone there to take care of their needs.

Because of the dogs, we met some wonderful people that became good friends, and we organized all kinds of theme meetings at the park, we had Halloween night in the park and everyone dressed up, I wish we had taken pictures! We had Friday night’s wine and dine in the park, than we started to get together for a birthday, the elections and between Canada, Quebec and USA there was a lot of elections going on in 2009. We got together to try different restaurants in the area. All and all, the dogs really enhanced our social life.


However, all this changed when we moved to the country because there was just my husband and I with full time jobs in the city. We had to come up with a plan, and we posted an ad to find someone to come mid day and spend an hour with them. Fortunately we did find someone and she is great with them and it helps us feel better about leaving them all day long.

Well, they are fun, they provide us with unconditional acceptance, the perfect welcoming committee, always happy to see us arrive even if we’ve only been gone for 5 minutes, time doesn’t seem to matter to them. We spend a lot of time with Fanny and Charlie they both have very distinctive personalities and their own ways to interact with us and with each other. My favourite time with them is when we go on excursions in the woods behind the house, we can be gone for hours and they just love it, Charlie zigzags the forest while Fanny just sniffs everything imaginable. Watching Charlie run and jump in nature is just pure joy, and if we come across any body of water you can bet Charlie will be jumping right in.

It is not always good times, sometimes they get sick and that is no fun for anyone, we end up doing a lot of cleaning up. Other times I wish I did not have to rush home after work but I know I must because the dogs have been alone for too long.

Overall, when the kids leave the nest, pets are the next best thing, it allows you to still be a caregiver and watch beings that have mastered the secret of being in the moment! They can be real delightful to watch.

Last project in progress

In my last post I talked about my final project that was supposed to be about shoes in a woman's life. However, after trying to sketch a few drafts and trying to paint, I soon realized that I would not have enough time to actually pull it off. Also, I was getting really stressed out everytime I was approaching this project, so I decided to change the subject and play it safer,I decided to go with flowers, this is my first draft of a field of Iris with the glazing technique, so far I have been working of pictures, but I will be buying some real flowers this weekend and continue on with the project, I have to do 2 glazing paintings and four small tempera paintings as well. Thank God there is a long weekend coming on, I may have to take an extra day off to finish it all.

I know flowers might not be of interest for everyone, but for now lets consider this project a phase, until I move on to other things.

I wish I had more energy at night but for some reason working with lighting instead of day light doesn't work for me, I seem to loose my motivation, I have realized that I am at my most creative during the day. Imagine, I used to be a night owl!

As usual, I can not wait to either win the Jackpot or retire so I can create and actualize all the crazy projects I have in my head.

I get these flashes of ideas, and I know I should write them down and unfortunately I don't and I usually forget them. However, there are always new ideas to replace them.

CRIT DAY

Well here it is my finish work. How were the ctitics? Actually, surprisingly positive, I think...My teacher decided that the Red Head was a bit humourous, she even suggested that she looked like a transvestite, she liked the exageration of the eyes. Other realy liked the blouse because it was looser and you cold see the brush strokes. The blouse is also my favorite part.

I must say even though she is not a master piece, the Red Head does command attention. She sorts of has an aura of mystery, drama Queen like. I don't know yet whether or not it is finish. I will let it stand and wait to see if somehow she compells me to make some changes.


As for the creature, they were all surprised to hear that it was orginally created in 1503 by Grunewald. I was facinated by the creatures in Grunewald's Isenheim Altarpiece, it seems that monsters have been part of our conciousness for a very longtime.

Overall, they seemed to think that my choices of subject were giving them a snapshot of my personnality! mmm, I wonder what kind of personnality they think I have based on that?

Next will be our final project, we have to make a series of paintings using two of the techniques we have been shown through the year. For my final project I would like to do a series of still life paintings. I will be using the tempera and glazing techniques. The theme I chose for this project is about a woman’s life through the shoes she wore from birth until old age.

Basically, the shoes are the witness of a woman’s evolution made through her selection of shoes. Obviously, she did not choose the first pair of shoes she wore as a baby and probably did not make these choices until her early teenage years; still I would like to paint this series about shoes from birth to childhood followed by the teenage years into her womanhood to finish with the golden years.

Shoes can demonstrate her state of mind, a glimpse of her personality and the changes she will experience through her life. Each of these experiences will influence the choices she will make when selecting the shoes that will carry her through to the next phase.

Why this theme, maybe because of a certain pair of shoes I was forced to wear at age 13, shoes I hated and shoes that lasted through anything I could think of trying to wear them out. Often, we forget how important our feet are, they carry us everywhere, and it is only when our feet hurt that we become aware of their importance in our daily lives.

So, I will start with a series of drawing to determined the compositions that will work best along with the colour schemes for each panel. It is always a stressful moment to begin a project, but it is also very exciting and stimulating because now I have to activate my creativity and I have to move forward and manifest my ideas on canvas. I know I will complain and really stress out, but I also know that within the process I will find that special moment that becomes timeless, when I paint I am in the moment, nothing else matters.

Oil painting and Glazing 3

Still on going, it is a long process. Am I making progress? I go through doubtful moments and frustration. For the most part my frustration comes from the lack of time, I only have the weekends because during the week by the time I get back from work and all it is almost 8pm and by then it is too late to start I am just too tired.

Anyway, I am not writing this blog to complain, but more to share my learning experiences through art. In some ways I might say that it is helping me to acquire some degree of patience. I like movement, especially the forward kind, slow frustrates the hell out of me, hence this technique I am learning. Glazing takes time. My three ungoing projects are due for March 5th, only 4 days to go.

On another note, this blog is also challenging because I have to keep going, I can not quit this class anymore, this is what feeds it, so if I stagnate with my painting so will my blog. This is turning out to be a great motivation factor. Also, last note, look at the status of my first painting with glazing, yep! Still ungoing!

Winter Wonderland and Earthquake

We thought that winter was over, it had been a while since we had snow. I must say that driving into town has been a breeze this winter, dry asphalt and grey skies, perfect driving conditions. However, this past week it all changed, not only did we get lots of snow we also experienced and earthquake!


Yes, last night on February 27th after 9pm this powerful rumble seemed to englobe our house, both my husband and I jumped up and ran to the windows wandering what was happening, it almost seemed like a space ship was landing on our roof top. Than we thought it was an airplane that was flying very low. I first thought of an earthquake, but my only reference was from 30 years ago in Vancouver and everything in the house was shaking, litterally, this time it was eery more like a vibration, a very loud vibration but nothing shook. We learned this morning that it had been an earthquake of 3.9 magnitude and the centre was 32km away. How odd, since a few days ago Chili got shaken pretty bad. And I thought we lived in a safe environment, I don't know if there is such a place anymore.


These past couple of years we've experienced some really powerful storms, trees were derooted, some lost their sims others just cracked. The weather has been all over the map, very difficult to predict. There used to be a time when we sort of knew what to expect, what kind of summer or winter it would be like, now days no one knows and picking vacation time hoping to get good weather is nearly impossible.

Glazing

I was away last week and so I missed the class and fell behind with my glazing. This way of painting is time consuming because you have to wait for it to dry before applying the different color glazes.This week I worked on the skin tone and the drapery, I soften the background a bit. Also, I emphasized the hair with a darker tone.

This is a totally new experience for me, it requires patience and planning. Since I usually favor abstract painting and because I usually work from impulse and feelings this control environment is difficult for me. I learn a lot but I also stress out about whether or not I will be able to bring this painting to an acceptable level.


We have to do two more paintings by using the glazing method one is a reproduction of an old master and the other one a personal composition for our next critic day on March 5th, I chose to do a segment of The Temptation of St-Antony by Grunewald, this should be interesting to do and very challenging, don't forget I said a segment. In this case it will be a portion of a segment, there are many details in the original, it was done in 1503, part of this painting is so different of what was made in that era. I am actually looking forward to start this project.

Oil Painting & Glazing part 2

For this class we had to fill in the shadow areas to finish the under painting.We did this with an olive green.

I adjusted the subject, lenghten her forhead and changed the shape of her head scarf and brought her shoulder down a bit while filing in the whites to give the illusion of depth, compare pictures first from my last post than with this one.

Next class we will continue with color glazing.

Oil painting and glazing

Today's class was with a live model and we had to make a background with a single wash color and than make a few sketches for composition. This was the set-up for the composition :


At first I started by making a drawing, but we were told to make loose boxed in sketches. No details just quick sketches.






Following the sketches we drew directly on our canvas with charcoal. Once the drawing finished you dust the charcoal off and proceed with the painting with only white.

Next week we will be adding an olive green for the dark parts followed by colour glazing.

Encaustic 2

This week we continued with Encaustic. And for this project I decided to try a portrait. As you can see, it was a bit more difficult to manipulate the wax to get the desired effect.

Somehow the wax would melt to quickly and dissipate the colours, I had difficulty finding the right distance with the heat gun to allow me to work the wax. The other part that I found frustrating this time around was how the brushes would dry up with a blob of wax on them. I quickly learned that trying to melt the wax with the gun was disastrous for the brushes, the best way was to let the brushes stand in hot wax until it melt the blob. I believe my set up this time around wasn't as good as my first try.



I was out of the Zone, I may have tried too hard. A difficult medium to play with, a challenging one, but I find it very stimulating because it forces you to be creative in its handling.

So, this was the last Encaustic class, we will present our work at the end of the session along with other projects.

Next week we are starting the glazing process, working with a live model for 4 weeks. Looking forward to it.